I am in Qatar near Dubai, next to Bahrain adjacent to the United Arab Emirates. Petrol is 15p a litre, a packet of fags cost a modest 70 pence for twenty, and what makes the situation even more attractive, is the fact that if you had possessed the wisdom and foresight to come and work here, then you pay NO income tax on your salary whatsoever The place is a joy to be in. The differing cultures present a fascinating and ancient array of numerous faiths and religions that have stayed true to their original ideals and serve truly as a monument to those who are their respective disciples. Why did I write that? Well the truth is it pads out the column with a lot more words, so I can finish it quicker and get down the pub. Ahh! That would be a problem, because there are no pubs here. You can get a drink in your hotel and some selected restaurants, but there are no proper pubs. I can’t wait to get back to my local ‘The Pit Bull & Stanley Knife’ and regale Barmy Albert with my holiday snaps.
Went for a haircut here yesterday. For the princely sum of two quid, I got the full treatment. Head massage, neck and shoulder rub, not forgetting a shave with a bona fide cutthroat razor. I mentioned to the barber that there were always some stray whiskers that even a sharp razor can fail to eliminate and just then, he produce a small rubber ball that he said I should put in my mouth between gum and cheek and voila! The aloof whiskers are shaved clean off! I politely enquired what might occur if the person accidentally swallowed the ball, to which he nonchalantly replied, “Oh, they just bring it back tomorrow” This haircut was taking well over an hour! He said “Do you know your hair is going grey?” I sez “ Well get a move on!”
Spent a couple of days trekking through the notorious Tuyayyir al Hamin desert, in a 4 x 4, bouncing along the sand dunes and cascading vertically down five hundred foot drops. It was all quite exhilarating, and I discovered the true colour of adrenaline! Thank goodness, I remembered to wear my brown corduroy trousers. I didn’t have a proper map of the desert, so I took the sheet of sandpaper off the bottom of the budgies cage and used that.
Water is scarce here. The domestic supply is of the desalinated variety and should be conserved as much as possible. Our hosts in the villa that we stayed in had put a note in the master bathroom, which read ‘Save Water! Don’t forget to put in Percy Plug before turning on Tommy Tap’ I wrote underneath “And don’t put too much Sammy Soap on Fanny Flannel!”
Made a new year resolution? Why not visit my website and check out the cyberspace. Click on www.Comedianuk.com thereby doing yourself a good service in 2006. Happy New Year!! Now, get back to work!
Photo of me in the desert in Qatar UAE.
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