alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an
asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit
and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is
sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the
Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you’ve accidentally walked through a
spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot
be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half
a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much
weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having flat stomach.
4 Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up
someone
who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death,
the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
ComedianUK.com 
Actually, there isn\’t any "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn\’t a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?) Much better to see the the current Invitational — every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We\’ve had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post\’s Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.For example, here are some of the winners of our May 22 contest to overlap two names, or a name and an expression:Mike Tyson Chicken:"Mmm, tastes just like ear!" (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)Harry S. Truman Capote: The sign on his desk says, "Young bucks, stop here!" (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.Sugar Ray Leonardo da Vinci: He puts guys down on canvas. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)) And here are the top winners of our May 7 neologism contest for single-word spoonerisms — where the first letters of different syllables were switched:Inpocchio: Imprisonment for lying. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)Thirber: Someone who makes up a story about the secret life of another person. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.) Karping: "You\’ll never fit in that space, Harold. You\’re too close to the curb, Harold!" (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.) Scorohope: Believing you\’ll get lucky because of your sign. (Chris Lopez, Reston, Va.)In another contest, every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you\’ll get a link to the Invitational when it\’s posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant. Best,The Empress of The Style Invitationalmyersp@washpost.com