A travel agent looked up from his desk on New Years Eve and saw an older lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window, where there were posters of glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week, and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop.
"I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday,
so I am sending you to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel. The older lady and gentleman, as could be expected, gladly accepted and were off!
About a month later, the little lady came in to the travel agency.
"And how did you like your holiday?" the agent asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting, and the room was lovely," she said. "I’ve come to thank you.
But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
It was New Years Eve and this fella came home early, only to find his best mate in bed was his wife. Anger took over and he strangled him to death. His wife shook her head in dismay and said, “If you keep on behaving like this, your gonna have no friends left.”
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
HSE Guidance for the singing of ‘Festive Songs’
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load
that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in
the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and
how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.
Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty
road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent
inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his
discomfort at being labelled ‘little’ and would prefer just to be simply
referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof
may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
If it’s Christmas get a turkey, if it’s raining get a Capon. May I wish all my readers a prosperous and happy new year 2010. Mind you, I did the same in 2009, and look how we messed that up!! Make it a new year resolution to visit my website and Jokey-Blog. Just clickety-click on www.ComedianUK.com or why not gizz us a new year Tweet on www.twitter.com/comedianuk Now, get back to work and shovel that snow!
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