A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, “I’d rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice..."
And then....................
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Side of Life
1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it’s triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife’s not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She’s a lawyer.
3. Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids. Bad: Your wife can’t find her birth control pills. Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
5. Good: Your oldest son understands fashion. Bad: He’s a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than your wife.
6. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your 10 year old daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.
7. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It’s another man. Ugly: He’s your best friend. 8. Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do
And then…………..
Kids will be Kids (Oh so smart)
My grandson called on my birthday to wish me a happy day. He asked me how old I was, and I told him 72.
He was quiet for a moment and then asked, "did you start at 1".
Another grandson at a later date asked me how old I was. I kidingly replied "I’m not sure". Look in your underwear Grandpa, he advised. "Mine says I’m four to six".
When visiting one day, my grandson asked," Grandpa Do you know how you and God are alike". You’re both old, he said.
Jim’s little granddaughter was diligently pounding away on his word processor. She told him she was writing a story. What about, Jim asked. I don’t know she replied I can’t read.
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall and quoted. "Thou shall not take the cover off thy neighbours wife".
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma guess what?" We learned how to make babies to-day. Thr Grandma trying to keep cool said “that’s interesting, how do you make babies?" Its simple came the reply, you just change "y" to "i" and ad "es".
Children’s Logic: Give me a sentence about a public servant, asked the teacher. A small boy wrote "the fireman came down the ladder pregnant". The teacher taking the lad aside to correct him asked, "do you know what pregnant means"? Sure he said, "it means carrying a child".
Oh well! Kids will be Kids.
ComedianUK.com 