Operator: 999, What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Operator: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a white blouse and denim skirt, why?
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Operator:999, What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich.
Operator: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
taken a bite out of it.
Operator: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired
of it!
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1. What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
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Dispatcher: 999, What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
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And the winner is……….
Dispatcher: 999.
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath.
Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone, on Scropton Street.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
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