Author Archives: Austin Knight

About Austin Knight

comedian, after-dinner speaker, writer, actor, raillery exponent, addlepated blatherer, nincompoop, panhandler, knave, popinjay, bon viveur, impudent scoundrel, rascal, scallywag, libertine, renaissance man, snurger, wisenheimer, pugnacious panjandrum, purveyor of egregious crapulate logorrhea, ne'er do well, infidel & plumbers mate.

Yet another unfortunate farrago….

What with the pension age being increased, coupled with the current cost of living crisis, we are now forced to toil well into our old age. Yesterday, I spotted a pensioner working in the local supermarket car park collecting shopping … Continue reading

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Putin on the hits….

You can tell that you’re getting old, when you have upstairs Paracetamol and downstairs Paracetamol. Moreover, when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and you begin to wonder if there’s anything else that you could be doing while you’re … Continue reading

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The life support machine….

Yesterday, I contacted Tameside Hospital to advise them that if my wife’s condition should deteriorate, I hereby give my permission for them to switch off the life support machine. They informed me that this isn’t an option for a sprained … Continue reading

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Punchlines Column 15/02/24

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The health scare at the Co-op

It was fancy dress night at The Pitt Bull and Stanley Knife pub. Barmy Albert and Non-Stick Nora had hired some magnificent costumes and gone dressed as Two Wise Owls.  They were both playing pool in the games room, when … Continue reading

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Happy Valentines Day

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Confessions of a chauvinist…

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Punchlines Column 15/02/24

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Confessions of a lollygagger….

I was in Tesco getting a sandwich and a packet of crisps and the gawjus young lady on the checkout looked at me and asked me if I wanted to go for a drink.  I told her that I was … Continue reading

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Punchlines Column 08/02/24

http://www.questmedianetwork.co.uk

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